I've just finished watching Arrival

And…I have this weird complicated thoughts upon fate I’m trying hard to fathom into constellation. Fate is somehow and always been mysterious and all. The concept of fate itself is so full of pros and cons. But I don’t talk religions here, even when I’m talking about God’s divine. I’m concerning about mine, and mine only bcs, well, this is my cyber property and I’m a self centered biatch, so, yeah.

How does fate works? Can I map down its pattern? Is my fate what’s best for me? If it is, then it should’ve fulfilled my expectation bcs I’m the only one, aside from God, who knows what makes me happy. So, to find the possible answer, I have to find its pattern. And to find its pattern is to look upon my past bcs fate worked there.

What was my fate then? Oh, let me give a simple example: I got into X school that allowed me to meet the best people I’ve ever encountered in my life. I didn’t really like the school before, and expected to get in to another Y school where my childhood friend went. I think, going to X school is one of few best things that ever happened to me so the notion upon fate is what’s best for me is approved. However, I didn’t know what was gonna happen if let’s say my parents allowed me to go to Y school back there. The probability to meet the best people I’ve ever encountered is unknown, might be 50:50, idk.

So what if life is a series of routes compilation? Like the one i play on Mystic Messenger? If I decided to choose Zen route, then I shall have Zen ending. If i got to choose 707 route, then I will be with Seven. Every route brings us to an ending. What makes me itchy upon it is the fact that there are various routes. And my fate is one them? If, let’s say, i have knowledge resource from spoiler websites that tells me: every route is fine and lovely and good for me, then which one is my fate? Which one is the best for me?

Talking about fate spoiler, let me tell you that there’s actually a term for that: expectation. People expect things everyday. I think, that what moves people to get out of their beds every morning. Unfortunately, expectations are not always approved by the reality. There are still poverty, hunger, betrayals, bokek mau beli apa apa, racism, sexism, and other million issues that don’t live up expectations. Thus, here comes the saying: fate doesn’t always have a happy ending. THUS, I question, “where the f is justice”.

Let’s say I’ve worked hard to get Seven route because I expect a nice happy ending with my darl Seven..

((krik krik krik))

Okay let’s make an easier example: I wanted to go to Y school. I worked hard upon studying so I wouldn’t fail the national exams. Turns out, my score was pretty fine and was acceptable to Y school. However, wait for it, my parents didn’t allow me to choose Y school because of things. Lo and behold, I got into X school which, at that time, wasn’t that good as Y school, so I hated it before I met my friends. It gets me thinking, is X my fate? Let’s say it is because, well it is. It happened. Then what is the function of expectation? Why people so motivated upon it? Of course, not all people are like me, some of their expectations meet the fates and that is why people study, work, create arts; to meet their expectations.

That was for school, then what about the more abstract substances like soulmate? Or dream? Do we have to work for that or does the fate works it for us?

People fall in love and get divorce everyday. Just bcs they feel like they are not meant to be, or the thing is not working for them. Like, seriously. Apparently in some developing countries, divorce is not a common thing that you do if you don’t feel really click with your partner. I don’t know what they do, I think they just brush it off and continue to live for their children sake or their family’s. Then HOW ABOUT the one who is actually meant for them? Are they lost? Are they marrying AKB48 living doll? Where are they? Living with the wrong soulmate too? Dude, that is such a bitter story happening in this very planet.

BUT then again, IF such things like soulmate doesn’t exist, and all we have to do is working hard to live up our expectations, why did i fail to get things I’ve worked and deserved? Why does it work for my friends and why doesn’t it do the same to me?

What is fate then if it’s not happy? Jangan jangan nih ya, the term soulmatedoesn’t actually exist sebenernya. It’s just some bull that romance novels sell and we buy it. We buy shits ckck.

A better fate? Lol, don’t mess with my brain.