1:51 AM

Okay so, I'd like to mark this moment of my life. (ihapasihsokserius)

So, it's 1:51 AM on Friday, 15 December 2017. The year actually comes to an end that I couldn't believe it. It's not like this year is really something or 2018 will be something (idk tho).  But I'd like to put a mark, here, that 2017 has been a very I-can't-find-the-right-word year of my life. I'm 21 this year, and life has been hitting me so hard that I could barely handle it.

Let's just say that 2017 is the WORST year of my current existence :))

I've felt great pain from a lot of things and those pain have constantly attacked me on the same place, and sometime on the same time, that I honestly truly completely seriously wish I could stop participating in life. I have failed on so many things. I have failed my future, my friendship, my love, my family, my dream, myself, myself, myself, I've failed me. (This is so alay but this is my cyber property so shush you!)

But,

that's not why I'm here now.

I've decided to write this because today I feel so sincerely happy, I thought I've forgotten how to feel it but, here I am today. Feeling so hacking blessed upon little things that have saved me. But then again, this happiness I'm feeling right now, has got me anxious upon silly things.

I'll tell you what. Today (or yesterday whatever) I barely went out of my house. Basically I'm just sitting here in my room, doing stuff on my phone, and I laugh A LOT. Like, a lot til my voice becomes hoarse now lol. I am so feeling blessed and happy to the point that I wonder what if I get too happy then life will turn me upside down again later? What if I'm too happy that later I'll be too sad to function again? I'm just, I know I can't be happy forever and ever, but I really don't want to go back there ever again. I'm just, I don't want to be too sad again, you get what I mean?

But still, I hope I will find lights again when I get down later, like I found them too a month ago. (woa benar juga!)

Love always,

2:20 AM

bonus picture bcs why not